Saturday, October 24, 2009

How to write a begging letter

Dear Cheddar Masters,

I pray you to consider accepting the Force Ability "Summon Colossal Squid" as a substitute for the current Level 1 homework assignment "Summon Bigger Fish." (0)

Cause, like, the squid in question was a news item of national and global interest when summoned and is scientifically cool because it's the largest complete colossal squid known. (1) And it was even dissected on the internet! (2)

Also, everyone knows that squid are much cooler than boring old fish. Like, did Tennyson say that a fish sleepeth "below the thunders of the upper deep"? (3) I don't think so. Also, really neat people like Bruce Schneier write about squid every single week when they could be doing cryptography and hacking and that (4) and also posh musicians like Jonathan Coulton who really understands the loneliness of the vasty deep. (5)

Yours in Kalamari,

Padawan Stey Va Nin

(4) "Friday Squid Blogging" at

And Here's One I Prepared Earlier

Dear Diary,

Still having trouble with Summon Bigger Fish, but Summon Colossal Squid went Really Well:

I even convinced the local museum to turn it into a proper display:

(Must see if I can convince Cheddar Masters to accept it instead.)

350 Day

Dear Diary,

Went out to the 350 Cycling Festival. Wanted to be in the big bike ride round the bay but had a critical equipment failure. (Stupid flat tire.) A true Cheddar always kees her equipment in good nick - must try harder.

Did get a chance to work on my Force Levitation - did really well. (As every girl knows, Size Matters.)

Not doing so well on Summon Bigger Fish - I wonder if they'll accept Summon Colossal Squid instead?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Fun With Dice

Started working through the first set of work the Cheddar Monks gave me. It's rolling dice - this is easy! I bet the course and my journey towards spiritual enlightenment is going to be a breeze.


So, I got accepted by the Cheddar Monk Academy. Score!

I did have one bummer moment, though. It turns out that all those women in pretty dresses in the brochures were actually Civilian Auxiliaries, and I'm supposed to dress up in Cheddar Robes. In the pictures they're all kind of muddy brown and bland beige which does nothing for my complexion, so I opted for a more spring-like palette.

Anyway, they said I had to sing their Pledge of Allegiance before they'd process my application. Here goes!

(The sound came out really quiet, but it's there.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

And so it begins...

Dear Diary,

Oh boy! I just saw the coolest thing ever. I found a flyer in one of my magazines (Bugaloo and You, they had a totally cool section on matching shoes when you have three or more pairs of feet) that advertised this course on how to become a Cheddar Monk. It look's awesome - spiritual enlightenment, nifty Force powers, and best yet, some Really Styly Outfits. I can't wait to join up! You don't even have to go to Coruscant - they have a correspondance school, so you just write away for packets of work and send them in when they're done. It's about lifelong learning in your own home, at your own pace.

LATER: I sent my application form in to them. It was weird, you're supposed to send money, but not to them, it's to some monkey people instead. Is this like the buddha on the road is not the true buddha, so you should kill him and search his pockets for cheese? Or maybe bananas...

LATER * 2: Have been planning my Cheddar Robes. Doing stuff in my dressing gown just doesn't feel right. [bounce]